Life as a daydream

Boyfriend #2 - Sa

Sa. We’ll call him Salmon.

I met Sa the summer between 8th and 9th grade, which technically means that I met him before I started dating Almond the second time, because that happened in 9th grade.

Anyways, Salmon and Almond (wow that sounds really weird, am I weirding you out with these names?) were kind of friends, not real friends, but they hung around the same crowd of people and they went to the same school and were in the same class. But I didn’t know that when I first met Salmon so it wasn’t really relevant to me.

I met Salmon through one of my best friends. Two of my best friends lived in the same, how do you call it? you know, those places that have a bunch of houses in them and they share a pool and a big yard and bla bla? one of those. And Salmon lived there too, right in front of one of my friends. So every now and then he’d come over to play video games with my friend’s little brother (No, im not a pedophile). He was only one year and one month younger than me (it is mere coincidence that my first two loves were younger than me, I swear). Anyways, we started liking each other, and i’d go to my friends house just so that I could see him and exchange looks with him.

We ended up exchanging phone numbers, and we would talk on the phone every-night, and I remember it so well. They were very movie-like scenes. I would have to whisper because if my parents knew that I was awake AND on the phone, They would’ve slit my throat. I wasn’t allowed to be on the phone after 10:30pm because it wasn’t lady-like. So we’d whisper into the phone, he’d start whispering just because i was whispering, and the whispering made everything even more romantic. Every night it’d be the same, I would tell him that I had to go “I need to go now, but i’ll text you as soon as we hang up” “No, don’t go, please, stay a little longer” He’d always say this. And I’d spend the next half hour trying to convince him that I had to hang up, until I did. And then we’d text each other. 

We’d go to a shopping mall called La Isla, me, my friend and him. And we’d walk for hours and then sit down and talk and just hang out, like the normal 14 year olds we were. We’d hold hands, and that was a BIG step for us to take. We were holding hands! OMG. Yeah. That’s what it was like. Salmon was the most beautiful boy I’d ever seen. I still consider him to be one of the most beautiful men I’ve met (We’re talking looks, not personality, just had to clear that out). He had this beautiful Hazelnut hair, it was so soft, and shiny and dazzling. And the way it fell on his forehead and almost reached his eye but left enough space for his beautiful, long eyelashes to show was perfect. He was perfect. His eyes were a special kind of green, like seaweed green. A dirty, yet shiny and glossy green. And when under the sun, his eyes looked magical. Those eyes made you fall in love with just one single look.

The first time we decided that we wanted to formulate a plan to meet at his house and hang out, I spent 3 hours getting ready. I wanted to look as good as I could. This was our first official date where it would only be him and me, and the idea of that gave me goosebumps. I finally arrived and we went for a walk on the beach and watched the sunset. Then we sat in the sand and talked about everything and nothing and we held hands. And all of a sudden our lips somehow found each other and before I knew it we were kissing. My first real kiss. It was so beautiful and perfect. I remember I was shaking, my whole body was shaking. We were both sitting down, and we slowly started sliding down in the sand until we were lying down. He was on top of me, we weren’t kissing anymore, we were just staring into each others eyes. Trying to capture every single detail of that specific moment. We were breathing the same air and touching the same sand and our bodies felt like one. It was so special. We just lied there for about 40 minutes until we had to go back. And I had to go home. 

We talked on the phone for hours that night, and when we finally hung up, he texted me, and I will never forget this, he said “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, I love you”. And in that moment I understood what everyone talked about, that feeling you get when someone says those words to you, “I love you”. It was magical, I felt like my soul ws floating up above me while I layed awake in bed, trying to remember what his lips felt like on mine, what they tasted like, and trying to remember the way they slowly moved, from my neck, to my cheeks, to my lips.

I was working at my dads office that summer, because I had failed phys ed. I know, who fails phys ed? I do. I always skipped class. Hated it. I was a lazy lazy lazy teenager. So I spent my whole summer in my dad-s office doing paper work from 9am to 2 pm. It sucked.

He was moving away at the end of the summer, to the other side of the country, far away from me. He didn’t tell me this until it was mid summer. He didn’t know, I didn’t know. It was all so sudden. I was devastated, but I wanted to see him as much as i could before he left. And I wanted to be with him forever, no matter where he lived. 

It was his last day in town, and I spent the whole day calling him, and he wouldn’t pick up his cellphone. I called his house a thousand times and his mom, or brother, or dad kept telling me that he was outside at the beach, he windsurfed so he spent a good amount of time at the beach. I probably called every 20 minutes for 4 hours, until I gave up. I couldn’t find him. I stayed home and cried all night. I didn’t understand.

I knew he was leaving at noon the next day, so I decided I’d sneak out of my house at 6am to catch a bus to his house and say goodbye. I couldn’t let him go without saying goodbye, I couldn’t. So I did, I snuck out at 6am in pajama pants and a shirt and beach sandals and I hopped on a bus. His house was only 5 minutes away. I remember getting off the bus shaking. I was so nervous, and I still didn’t know why he had been avoiding me the whole day before.

I first saw his brother carrying a set of portable stairs, he said: “Oh, hey, my brothers out back”. So I went, and saw him. And he apologized about the day before but refused to give me an explanation, refused to tell me the truth. He kept saying he was really busy with moving and all but I knew that wasn’t true. We said our goodbyes and I love yous and promised to stay in touch and I went back home before anyone woke up. Safe.

We stayed in touch and video chatted every once in a while and we kept texting and calling every night. I later on found out that he spent his last day with my best friend, his neighbor, and all the other neighbors outside by the beach, around bonfire. I know something must’ve happened, because if nothing happened, why didn’t he invite me? why didn’t he pick up his phone? who knows.

This is not relevant but i want to write it down in case that 10 years from now I forget. I remember one time we got into a fight because I drank for the first time with my best friend at her house, and they were neighbors. So he got to see me when my whole world was spinning and i felt dizzy and not like myself and I think I was mean to him or something because I can remember him the next morning sitting in the yard, pulling little pieces of grass off the ground one by one. It was like he was taking his anger out on the grass. It was so cute. I will never forget. We made up after. So not that relevant.

It took several months for me to get over the fact that he was gone. Now, this is going to make me sound like a crazy-psycho person, but remember, I have a bipolar disorder, and it wasn’t until last year that I was diagnosed and started taking medication for it. So I lived my whole life being on the most intense emotional roller coaster you could ever imagine. Anything a normal person felt (sadness, happiness, anger, loneliness) I felt it x1000 times stronger. So I carved his name on my pencil case, I carved his initials onto my wrist with one of those things you used in math class to draw perfect circles, i’d once seen someone do that in a movie, no blood involved don’t worry, skin just peels off and you get a little scab on it, so i had two scabs in the shapes of his initials, they only lasted a weeks. And I’d sit in my bathroom floor and read the letter he wrote me over and over again and cry. One of his close friends went to the same gym as me. We became good friends and talked all the time and he helped me get over it. I finally came back to my senses and moved on with my life.

I lived through it.

Me and Salmon are still good friends.

Here is a picture of Salmon from when we had our summer love.

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Boyfriend #1 - Al

First of all, I can’t stand the sound of the name Al, his name’s not actually al, his name just stars with this two letters, so maybe we will call him Albert. Albert is way better than Al, it still bothers me a bit but it’s better.

Once upon a time, nah I’m just kidding, no once upon a times here. No clichés. Well some clichés, just a couple of them. 

I met al through my mom and dad, as weird as that may sound. Albert was my dad’s business partner’s cousin’s son. Allow me to break that down for you. My dad had a business partner. My dads business parter had a cousin. That cousin had a son. That son was Albert. I’m changing it to Almond I’m sorry I can’t deal with Albert because I keep picturing the chubby persona from Hitch. Anyways, I met Al one time when we went on some sort of sightseeing/bonding activity with my dad’s business partner’s family (sightseeing/bonding with this guy was fun, I once got to go to a barbecue at his place with Donald Trump jr and Ivanka trump, and she told me not to get my teeth whitened because it hurt a lot and it didn’t last long enough, true story). 

Now, that’s when I “met met” him, so we’ll get to that story later. The first time I saw him was at a New Years Eve party at my dad’s business partner house. “Dad’s business partner” is such a long name, we’ll call him bis. So, I don’t remember that much about that night, it was so long ago. I was 12/13 and he was 11/12. Two little babies. He remembers it very well though, he always used to tell me about it. I wore a beautiful red dress, which he doesn’t seem to forget. We didn’t really get to talk, at all. But that’s the first time we became aware of each others existence.

Next time we saw each other was at that trip I was telling you about. We went to a place called “Celestún”. It was such a beautiful place, you had to get there via boat. Celestún was a magical place, it’s a Flamingo reserve, and there’s so many flamingos there that the water is pink. If you’re curious you can google it and see how nice it is. We were like 17 people. It was so much fun, the sand/mud in that lake is used to make really expensive face masks, so we were all covered in it, we literally covered our whole bodies with it. We looked like those little kids you see in history books that used to have mud all over their face as part of their culture. I felt like jumping around in trees like Tarzan but I didn’t. My brother did though, we have pictures of it and everything. 

Almond was a really shy guy, so all we got from that trip was an extremely short “hello” and 5 hours of extreme exchanging of looks throughout the boat ride. I remember how beautiful he was. He had golden brown hair, it lit up beautifully under the sunlight. And his eyes, he had emerald green eyes that made you stop and look at them when you got even just a glimpse. They were a piercing green that you almost never saw. The green and the honey all stirred in. Those eyes were spell-bounding. You had to stare. you couldn’t help but stare. And his skin was flawless, so smooth and pale. It was very much touchable. You saw that skin and you wanted to carefully caress it, like a baby’s.

Two weeks after that I got to see him again, at a resort that we spent the weekend at. A resort that bis owned. It was astonishing. Located right next to Chichen Itza, one of the seven wonders of the world. The place was called Mayaland, get it? because of the mayan ruins next to it? clever. Anyways, you could see the ruins from your window, and there was no outer world communication, no cellphone service, no computers, no nothing. Just you and nature and everything was green and jungly. You could hear an orchestra of summer cicadas every morning and every night, birds singing, nature making sounds that you never even knew it could make. That place really is something else. While staying there, we got to play some kind of game that we made up called “Dark Room”. We would turn the lights off in a room and kind of just chase each other, like tag. I think, I don’t remember it quite that well. Anyways, somehow, our hands brushed together while looking for a place to hide, and we ended up hiding together. And exchanging emails. His email address was something like “polloloco” somehting. Which means crazy chicken. His nickname was chicken in spanish because he was blonde. I remember trying not to forget his email address so so so hard the whole trip, I added him as soon as i got home. This was so long ago that that’s what you did, you’d give someone your email so that they could add you on MSN, and whenever you got to use the computer at home, yes, with computer I mean the PC you shared with your whole family, you got to talk to your friends on MSN and get ridiculous screen names that would look something like this:

“ .♩.¸¸♬´¯`♬.¸¸¤ aNa pAoLa =) .♩.¸¸♬´¯`♬.¸¸¤

That makes me nauseous, so ridiculous, but we thought that was really cool back then. The more ridiculous the cooler you were. Anyways, my msn thing would always look like this ” anapaO* “, so that’s what he would call me. We started talking on msn as much as we could, but we didn’t get to see each other in weeks/months because we didn’t go to the same school and we werent old enough to hang out. But we were in MSN love. He would IM me an d be like ” hola anapaO* ” and he would write my name like that for everything because he knew I liked it like that because that’s how I had it on my MSN, but I didn’t want people to actually write my name like that everytime they talked to me, it was cute of him to do that though, he still does it. 

When I was in seventh grade we finally got to hang out, one year later. I liked him, and he liked me and we were cute like that. Everything was going great and he was about to ask me to be his girlfriend, but something terrible happened. One of the guys from my class who was my friend decided that he liked me and he wanted me to be his girlfriend too. So without me knowing anything about it, we were hanging out at a friends house and he asked me to be his girlfriend and I couldn’t say no because I was too young to know that saying yes just because I didn’t want to break his heart was stupid. 10 minutes later, Almond called me because we talked on the phone all day, and i had to tell him, and he was so upset. So upset, that I had to break up with my friend right after I hung up. I broke up with my friend who I dated for no longer than 10 beautiful minutes and I called my lovely chicken back and we got back together. We didn’t even know how relationships worked back then. Almond was so romantic and nice and cute. He’d write me these nice, long emails about how much he liked me. Too bad I deleted them when we got into a fight, I wish I still had them.

I can’t remember exactly what happened but we got into a fight a couple months later because of a girl. Something happened that we lost touch for a year.  

During that year, which was 8th grade, I had my first kiss with my friends cousin’s friend. My friend had a cousin and his cousin had a friend. His name was Sebastian. My friends kind of forced me into it because they said that I was too old to not have kissed anyone, but I guess I just felt like kissing was something special, and the only guy I wanted to kiss was Almond.  So I wasted my first kissed on some random dude I never saw again. Just in case you’re wondering, my first kiss sucked, I hated it. It was so weird and awkward and just not romantic at all.

The summer between 8th grade and 9th grade I had my first summer love, which just like all of my other loves, I though was the love of my life. But I’m not going to discuss this right now because that’s a different story.

In 9th grade, Almond and me were all grown up, and mature (or at least we thought so), so we decided we’d give our love another chance. We went out on dates for about  a month. And everything was going great. I could not believe it was finally happening, I was going to be Almonds girlfriend. My mom and dad hated him. They said he was spoiled and uneducated. Just because Bis’s wife told my dad that he threw bis’s daughter’s bike into the pool because they were playing and he refused to get it out of the pool even though bis’s daughter was crying. He always claimed that this wasn’t true. So I don’t know what happened, point is, mom and dad didn’t like him, but i didn’t care; I was young and in love (meaning: I was stupid). They also didn’t like him because everytime we got into a fight I’d spend hours crying in my room listening to depressing Avril Lavigne songs like “I’m with you” and simple plans “perfect”. But I liked him, he was a bad boy. He smoked, and drank, and went to parties, and was all cool like that, and I’ve always liked bad boys. Not sure why.

A month later he finally asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes, and we kissed for the first time, and it was beautiful, and romantic and everything i’d ever dreamed it would be. His lips were so soft and pretty. A week later i broke up with him.

I’m not sure why. I mean I am sure why, I’m just not sure why I was sure of why you know? I remember telling people that I broke up with him because I wasn’t really happy. I mean i wasn’t unhappy, but you know, I waited so long for it to happen that once it did I was like “Ok, what now?” you know?. I don’t know, I was confused and I really don’t know. But that was the end of it. He cried a lot and hated me for about a year or two. Then we got over it. We are now friends. He still writes my name like this ” anapaO* “. And his sister is best friends with my sister. Just a random fact. I’m happy we’re still friends. He was my first love.

Here’s a picture of us from when we dated (ignore our hideous school uniforms please). This is the only picture we have together. Having a camera was sort of a novelty at the time.

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The Boyfriend List.

This list includes non-official relaitonships, imaginary relationships, and real relationships. It’s basically relationships that I feel have molded my personality in any way. I’ve only had serious, long term relationships with 4 of these boys. Details will be explained later on.  I’ll be using the first two letters of the persons name instead of full names, just in case.

1. Al
2. Sa
3. He
4. Pa
5. Di p
6. Ra
7. To
8. Er
9. Ro
10. Da la
11. Di m
12. Jo
13. Da lo
14. Ge
15. To f
16. Ol
17. Ni
18. E

There you go, 20 years and 16 failed relationships. Don’t freak out now, this are not all “real” relaitonships, only 4 of them are, but there are all boys that have been a part of my life, little or big, important or unimportant, real or unreal. I’m surprised and a little excited that I have the exact same number of boys that have been a big part of my life as Ruby. Anyways, first relationship story will be posted tomorrow.

:) This shall be fun.

The Boyfriend List Project

Ok, so you all know that i’m a HUGE E.Lockhart fan, and I’ve read all of the Ruby Oliver books. I recently introduced a friend to the Ruby Oliver books and we were talking about how cool it would be to try and make our own boyfriend list, to go over every single relaitonship we’ve ever had, and then try to figure out what it is that happens that makes our relationships fail every single time. So I think I really want to do this, I’m excited, very! I’m gonna have to change the names, or maybe I’ll just use annagrams of the names, that’s a cool idea! Or maybe I’ll just go with real names because I don’t care. Hm. Well, i’m starting this today and I’m excited. I’ll write the list first and then I’ll go over every single guy on that list and write about what happened. If anyone wants to do this project to that’d be awesome! Let me know, i’d love to read your stories :)

Anyways, 

Love you all!

Ana